Two more white guys added to Injured Reserve Party Team, tempers flaring...

De Pere, WI (LOL)

There's trouble in the IR Party Squad's main hangout, a swanky, 11 bedroom joint (see photos) overlooking the beautiful (?) Fox River here in Titletown. And it's not just because they are now two bedrooms short.

Brandon Chillar (see photo) (his IR Party Squad name is of course, B Chill), and the Great One, Spencer Havner (see photo) (see you later Super Bowl), became Caucasians 3and 4, joining the not-so-great dancers Brady Poppinga and Mark Tauscher, raising tensions on the fun squad.

Perennial IR Leader Nick Barnett, in his last year on the squad since he's now officially lost his "real" job to the 55-car, Desmond Bishop, said that tensions are at an all time high. "Sheeet, we're short bedrooms (see photo). We need a bigger Hummer Limo. We've got more bad dancers scaring the chicks away at the clubs. We have to use the hot tub in shifts (see photo). We are wearing out our butler (see photos). The whole effing thing is going down the tubes! Mmmmmaaaaannnn!"

This humble ink stained wretch can understand Nick's dilemma. With an all-time record 13 players on the squad (they could almost field an entire team if they weren't on crutches or wearing slings), things are getting cramped in the 12,000 square foot playground on Lost Dauphin Road (see photos).

"Things wuz great when it was just me, Nicky the B, and G Money," said the hustling playmaker and perennial IR member Justin Harrell, "and it was fun when a few more brothers (Carol Burnett, Brad Jones, Mike Neal, etc) showed up. But then we got that psycho Poppinga, then that big clod Tauscher, and now this. We only got 8 bathrooms. Mmmmaaaannnnn!

"Next thing you know, effing Matt Wilhelm (he of the incredible facemask penalty that cost the Packers the Atlanta game) will show up. Or that idiot Frank Zombo (the Great Zomboni)."

Anyway, in this reporter (?)'s humble opinion, if any more dudes are added to the IR Party Squad, things are going to get ugly.

"If that asshole Finley (JerMike) doesn't turn his freakin' stereo down (JayZ, Usher, PitBull, Lil somebody, etc), I'm gonna chuck it out the window," said a bleary-eyed Poppinga. "This IR thing has turned into a nightmare."

When aksed (sic) what their next outing would be, Barnett said he had no idea. "Until Thompson (reclusive GM Ted) opens up his wallet a bit and gets us a bigger vehicle (preferably one with a red cross on it, see photo), we ain't going nowheres."

Added Tauscher, "great, Chillar is moving in with me. Probably be hairs in the sink, shower, floor. Unbelievable."

If you'd like to help out in this dire situation, the boyz have set up a fund to help. Please send any donation you can spare this holiday season to:

IR Party Squad Needs Your Help Fund
PO Box 1265
c/o Associated Banksters
Green Bay, WI. 53106

Your donation is not deductible, but will help out these 13 millionaires who find themselves in a predicament through not fault of their own (well except for Justin, who's flabby body lands him here each year).

This hard hitting anal-ysis will not be found anywhere else, only here at PA. As always, cash is preferred over checks, and we can't thank you enough for all your generous support over the years. --PP