Detroit, MI (WTF)
Clay Matthews, usually a freak on game day, let the media know he mistakenly popped Flintstones instead of his usual pregame mix, rendering him "pretty much useless" in the team's embarrassing loss to the NDDF%^Y&^*$##FFREREHHasdsadeeeeeergkon Suh led Lions. "My mentalist guarded the door, my agent turned down the lights, my herbalist brought in the stuff, and my ear, nose, and throat guy supposedly verified the pills. But I guess he was distracted by a towel-clad Aaron Rodgers (my God, look at him, who wouldn't be?), and apparently didn't see the Lions' clubhouse guy switch out my 'daddy's little helpers' for the simply delicious children's vitamins. They were really tasty, fruity would be the best word I think; I immediately knew the switch was in, and I'd play more like a Zombo than a Matthews." Indeed Clay.
Matthews did record a sack when terrible QB Drew Stanton dropped back too far right into Matthews' arms, but even Clay's celebration was half-hearted at best.
"Yeah, I just walked right into him, pretty lucky. Every other play I was pretty much blocked. Now that the season is over, I'll probably just go back to Vitamin C, Zinc, and Tinactin, and play out the string with the rest of my lousy teammates."
Green Bush, now 8-5, is scheduled to lose their next game in Foxboro, before playing out the string in two meaningless games against the playoff bound Giants and Bears. Tickets are now available for both of the remaining home games on StubHub, starting at $3 in the north end zone, to a high of $14.50 for a Club Seat on the fifty.
Get 'em while they're hot!
PP
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