(Ashwaubenon, WI) --CSI
Mason Crosby has been reborn. Not as a Christian of course--that would be against some federal judge's ruling somewhere--but as a kicker. And he has a strange source of inspiration to thank for it.
"Shawn (fake Special Teams coach Slocum) and I had tried everything; slowing down the leg swing, speeding up my hip rotation, using more arm lift, aiming further right, drinking less, aiming further left, closing one eye, trying some of Mathews (Clay, freak, GB) assortment of pills, everything. I had always been successful kicking those puffy balloon balls at altitude in college (Crosby majored in Afro- American studies with a minor in lawn maintenance at the marijuana-infested University of Colorado), so this has been tough."
Tough that is, until he got an email from an obscure blogger with a keen eye blowing a .16 into the BAC device.
"So I get this profanity laced email from this idiot in someplace called Muskego, and he keeps calling me Mason Dixon (Crosby, a product of the public schools, is obviously unaware of the famous Civil War boundary line), telling me he's going to make me the #2 car, all kinds of really sick, mean stuff. So after another 500 or so words just ripping me a new one, he finally just wrote: 'kick the fucking ball, you moron.' And that kinda stuck."
Said Mason Crosby--no longer Mason Dixon, the almost #2 car--"so now, that's what I do."
So the next time you see Mason Dix, er Mason Crosby, drill a huge FG or PAT, say a little thank you to some drunk hick blogger from someplace called Muskego.
"His advice made sense. Now I just kick the f$%^ing ball."
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