Chicago, IL (LMAO)
This week, long haired, pill popping freak Clay Matthews (see photo) finally got his long-awaited, coveted shampoo deal with Suave Shampoo. I can't wait to see the Clay-Maker ala Troy Palomalualualoaoloaho lathering up; should be entertaining to say the least.
On a somewhat related note, Bears QB Jay Cutler has signed on with Tampax (see photos). "We are delighted to have Jay join the Tampax family," said President & CEO Sue Aside. "We pulled out all the stops to get him. Tampax has a long history of both shame and femininity, and we couldn't think of a better spokesperson for our new 'sports branding' campaign than Jay. He also absorbs a lot of punishment, and well, that's what we're known for as well. We can't just run ads during Oprah, GLEE, and that Anderson Cooper (AC360) show. We needed to plug some holes in our marketing, and we believe there's a hole (sic) (also sick) other market we can reach, perhaps during Women's Field Hockey, Men's Equestrian, and Girls High School basketball, and with Jay being at the height of popularity, we just thought now was the right time to pull the string, if you will."
Added Marketing VP Richard "Dick" Strong, "we should have something ready for the Super Bowl. Look for it right after the new Massengill's Douche ad, which oddly enough, now also features Cutler." Can't wait to see that one!!!!!
So look for Clay Mathews on the field, and Jay Cutler in commercials, come Super Bowl XVIVCCIWTFLOLHOLYSHIT.
--PP
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